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Someone once told me not to regret everything in life. That in order for people to understand life one must seize the moment at all times whatever the consequences. If one feels high about something, he should grab a hold of it and make it its own. But, if it's not meant to be his, then he should learn how to let go of it. At least at one point in his life he can say, "Been there. Done that". And just move on to the next chapter of his life.
I've always respected those who can face life's challenges without any fear. Living is already a risk at hand, whether it would be riding a cab alone or eating balut. It's all a matter of making the right choices. The question now is, do I or do I not make the right one?
If you're going to ask me, "How many regrets do I have so far?" I would probably say, "Plenty enough to make me rich." I know that I have not been that much adventurous with the way I live my life. I choose to make the right choices over the bad ones at the right time. The right choices would vary depending on the given situation, that it would be hard for me to be able to pick up the right ones. Usually, I go with my intuition. Just as long as I don't get myself hurt.
In short, I have managed to be on the safe side of things. I choose to hide behind a mask, behind my security blanket, and behind the brick wall, so as to block the unknown entities that may trigger the intruder alarm. I want things to run as smoothly as a baby's bottom.
But no matter how smoothly I run things with my life, nature manages to ruin it for me. As much as I have tried staying on my favorite side, I still get kicked in the ass. I have been hurt a couple of times, and I have also hurt some people I used to know (mind you, it was unintentional). I keep thinking, with all those heartaches I've experienced, was it to pay the price of hurting those who gave me nothing but good intentions?
At the early stages of my adolescence was my first major regret. I thought it was kind of unfair because that certain point in my life is when I was just beginning to see how the world works. I experienced my first heartache, and I guess that's how it all started. I did think I made a wrong turn somewhere because that boy crushed my heart like an ant being squished for crawling up his sleeve.
But that's not my regret. It was the boy who came to my rescue. He was this nice guy who is the total opposite of the ant-squisher. Apart from his long eyelashes and his killer smile, what attracted me to him was his personality. We used to talk for hours on the phone, see each other every afternoon after school, and watch movies together. We were the best of pals.
There were times when I notice how differently he acted whenever I was with him. But I tried to not dwell on such ideas. Thoughts of him having feelings for me were immediately thrown out of my head and marked it as insane and should not be looked into any further. Though my friends kept telling me of the possibilities, I just shrugged the idea and continued my way.
Things didn't turn out the way I thought they would be. After a couple of years, he suddenly decided to live life someplace else, explore the world if he may. He told me he would come back after 6 months, and on his return he promised me he'd be telling me something and that he'd be ready.
Mixed emotions came charging in. A big part of me wanted to convince him to stay and tell him how I really feel. Unfortunately, some cat caught my tongue.
He left and never came back. A could-have-been guy? Probably. Whatever that was will always be a mystery. I will never find out I guess.
Regrets? Got plenty of those on my freezer waiting for it to become useful again someday.
But, no thanks; I definitely don't want another one.
The Girl from Ipanema has yet to go to Ipanema
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