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"you do not want me. I seduce virgins."
At my age, I do not know if i should be proud or embarrassed to admit that i have never been with a man intimately. My life was dull in that aspect. I was a home-school-home girl. Eventually, I became home-work-home-school-home-work-home girl.
Yes, i am 25 and at this age of global advances, i remain untouched. I never imagined myself to be moved sensually…in the most unexpected way.
I can't categorize Lancelot as my friend. He is too proud to get in touch with me. He never returned any word whenever i try to reach him. But then I pursue him. Why? He is different. He is mean yet interesting. He is rude yet with sense. Not the usual type of guy, i can say. I really do not know his real name and he doesn't know mine. But I call him Lancelot - the first knight of King Arthur… and mine.
He has shoulder-length hair, so smooth to run my hands through with. He has those eyes… so innocent as a child. He has lips i want to smooch my lips with. He is sexy, a medium-built body i want to be cuddled with. He is tall, an inch or two smaller than the tower of power. But he has no color of my ideal man. He is fair…so fair.
Actually, i thought our first encounter would be the last. I was wrong. Since he is that interesting, i was too bold to pursue him. It wasn't an attraction a girl has for a boy. It was different. I find him too challenging. He is articulate, has sense of humor but gullible. Though i am not sure if he's going to like it, i kept on bugging him with my notes - personal and impersonal. He's hell of a guy…i want him in my life.
May 29. To my surprise, he made himself felt. At last, he found his nerve to face his "stalker." too audacious, he said, "you do not want me. I seduce virgins." i was surprised; i asked him, "who says i want you in the first place? How sure are you that you can seduce me?" "i would look in your eyes with much desire, touch you all over until you cry that you want me." "only if you have the eyes of nicolas cage, then i guess, we need not utter a word." that was the start of my most unforgettable 29th of may.
He said i impressed him. I wasn't intimidated with his mature topic. Of course, i wasn't. And i think nobody and nothing can intimidate me that easy. I intimidate and i am good at it. Actually, i was scared…so afraid of his mature topic. I was nervous, a virginal shyness, i guess. But i don't want to back off. We were getting interesting. It was something new to me.
Our word exchange went further that night. His words became more sensual, more provocative, and steamier. I really can't remember specifically what led us to do it. We made love, we had sex. At first, i had to shut him off. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to deal with him. But later i heed to him…to the lesson 101. He was the mentor. I was the student.
He taught me how to kiss…to do french kiss. He held me so caring in his arms…so loving. He kissed my neck. His hands wandered all over me. I can't help but smile when i recall how his lips brushed in to my skin - my face, my arms, my hands, my breasts. He loved to remain there forever. Squeezing it. Sucking it. Caressing it. Cupping it he slowly went down further, exploring my innocence. I can't forget how he fondled my innermost sensitivity. I was on fire. It drove me crazy and can't help to cry his name out loud, lancelot!
We got the chance to know each other - the details of ourselves. Now i learned what his name is. And i gave him mine. He was an architect based in a city down south. He's older than me, a year and two days older to be exact. He has a knack for words. He is so articulate. He knows how to speak his mind out.
When i woke up the following day, it was a different morning, a different me. I was trembling inside. Even at work, i was imagining what had transpired between us that night. It was an experience. A startling adventure. It was sweet, puzzling, guiding, skillfully unfolding my innocence…petal by petal. I won't forget that day, may 29.
That night wasn't the last. We did it again the following night. This time it was more different. The "seduced" seduced the seducer. If he proved the previous night that he seduces virgins, well i guess i learned my lesson fast enough. I killed him with my "i'm home. Look how i unhook my black brassiere." "i want to unhook it myself. Only bra? How about your undie?" he asked. "you are not allowed to touch me, nor to kiss me tonight," i said. " i will be busy. I have some works to do." i tried to keep him hanging…keep him wanting me. "fine, if you do not want to do it. My gf is coming anyway. We're going to do it." dah! I felt i was saved by the bell. On second thought, i wanted to do it, but i never told him that. But he was lying. His gf did not come. So he returned to my arms and we did it again. The lovemaking was more intense, more vivid… more exhausting.
He asked me to explore his body…his wholeness. He taught me how to kiss him… to touch him. He led me to his manhood. He guided me how to touch it…to caress it. It was so surprising. My hand can't get enough of it. He was a man, a big man. (i am reminded of it on my palm every time i get hold of my roll-on.)
The following day when i opened my eyes, the previous night revisited me. I could not describe it. I could not put my thoughts into words. The lovemaking was different. It had a strange ecstasy that i admit i was beginning to enjoy. And i was scared that it would be difficult to say no next time. I was afraid to be addictive to him… to be a slave of my desire…i don't want to see myself in that situation. This has to be stopped, i thought.
I told him how i felt then. How the encounter struck me. Later i found myself saying my goodbye, thanking him for the experience…for teaching me, telling him how i prefer the first night over the second…that the second night wasn't me…it wasn't me.
I got no words from him. A girl's instinct drove me to get something out of his brain. I did, but with his plain "goodbye." and "sorry, too." yup, that's all i got from my knight. I felt cheated. I told him how i felt about his short answers. He explained his side but not to my satisfaction, his answer was not what i have been expecting from a partner - with whom i spent two steamy nights.
I haven't heard a thing from him since then. But i have been trying to get in touch with him. No reply still. Why am i pursuing him? I do not know!
I did not regret what happened to me. Until now i can't remember specifically what led us to do it. Did i lead him on? I don't think so - on the first night. I wasn't sure on the second night. Did he lead me on? I guess so. He was trying to prove that he could seduce me. But unknown to him, he did more than that. His sexy mind, his being provocative, his inquisitive mental power did affect me. He made me feel wanted, beautiful, and sexy. He has the words and the voice that can turn every woman on. He led me to a strange feeling. A sensation unknown to me until that night. That night when i started to enrich the culture of my mind with another aspect of my womanhood.
I had the power on my hands. I could easily turn my cellular phone off. I could easily ignore and never dare to reply to his sensuous text messages. But why did i tolerate it? I do not know. Or maybe i did but i preferred to be unreasonable. I could easily cut him off…but i did not. I replied to his text messages. I talked with him on the phone. I listened to his moans, to his cries of pleasure, to his descriptions of what he was doing at the other end of the line. I heed to him like when i was taught my abcs.
Am i really seduced? I do not know. I wasn't sure. But one thing i am sure about: i was awakened. I may have lost my innocence on the night of may 29 but i gained so much from the experience. My knight made me aware i am a woman that i truly almost forgot. He welcomed me into womanhood taking care of my "intense fragility." he turned the girl in me into a woman - a woman capable of loving, caring, and understanding what i need and what my man would expect from me. He made me realize i have the ability to sustain a mental game as such. He made me prove to myself that i have the power to seduce a seducer.
I have been sending him text messages and trying to call him. I guess, i will keep on doing it till he finds his courage to face me. Am i planning to seduce him? I don't think so. I want him in my life. He's a heck of a guy; an interesting person who may be rude but i know has a soft spot.
As my favorite poet put it, "i do not know what it is about you that closes and opens; but only something in me understands the voice of your eyes is deeper than all rose." i do not know what's with him. Or maybe, what's with me, anyway.
Six minutes past midnight, i got a text message from my 22-year old textmate. He's an engineering student. An insomniac like me. He couldn't sleep and asked me, "wat do u thnk of cybersex?" i read it twice, and replied, "it is harmless as long as u dtach urslf frm it. Y askd? He answered: "m curious wat ppl hu do it get out of it. 4 xprnce, wud u lyk 2 try it wid me?"
oh, lordy!!!!
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