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Becoming
Friends After Becoming Lovers
"We can't play this game anymore but can we still be friends? …." I was fixing my stuff in the closet when I heard this particular song by Todd Rundgren and thought of it as a selfish song by someone who broke somebody's heart. Thinking that this person, this "dumper", can get out of this guilt feeling of being the person doing the unthinkable deed, why not suggest that the two of them can just be friends instead? While the "dumpee" is having the worst day ever, the dumper is trying to get away with it. If you were the dumpee, will you ever accept the offer of becoming friends instead of lovers? Why not? Before accomplishing this new relationship, you got to consider a few things. What was the real reason behind the break up? I think every relationship that didn't work out can eventually have a friendly relationship, whatever the reason behind it, as long as both parties are willing to settle on the said relationship. The only reason that I can come up with which makes friendship impossible between two people is if one of them was physically abused by the other. This is I think by far the worst that can happen between two people because it involves two kinds of wounds: the physical wound and the emotional wound. Wounds may heal, but scars are bound to your skin forever. These may just be scars, but they sure can remind hurtful memories. Unless, of course, you paid a great deal of money to remove those scars, then there wouldn't be any to remind you of such memories, would there? Then there is the cooling off period. If you're the dumper, you got to be considerate enough of what the dumpee must be feeling after you have left him/her. Remember, you're the one who destroyed his/her feelings, which makes you the bad guy in the scene. The least you can do for now is to let him/her be. Let them tend to their wounds. If you're the dumpee, chances are you wouldn't imagine yourself being friends with the dumper. Not in a million years you wouldn't! Not when your wounds are still fresh, you can smell the stench even in your sleep. Not when you still have sleepless nights on your bed. Well, maybe not yet. Maybe after you've put your life back together again, there may be a slight chance of ever becoming friends with your ex. Let the wounds heal for a while until you can stand up once again. Establishing new friendship is tough, considering the past hurts you two have gone through may haunt you again. Make clear of your intentions. The other party may mistake this treatment to a "couple reconciliation", which is not what you are intending to achieve. As much as possible, avoid talking about the past, especially those unresolved arguments you've had when you're still going out. This may bring back all the hurtful memories that you might end up arguing the same thing all over again, hence, back to square one. Reopening the wound once closed is not the best thing to do. Friendship is a two-way process. Treat the person as how you would treat a friend. If he/she is asking for a favor, do it without a second thought. He/she may do the same thing to you. It's hard to imagine becoming friends with someone you used to love. But it doesn't mean it can't happen. Sometimes you can't help yourself wonder what has happened to that one particular person whom you spent time with one summertime. You know it will never work out between the both of you as a couple, but he sure knows a lot about you and you know a lot about him, so why not work out as friends? There is an old Buddhist saying which I have come to memorize: "In
the end, only three things matter most: How fully you lived, how deeply
you loved, and how well you learned to let go of things not meant
for you."
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