THE WISH

I am not your typical goody-goody type of youngster. I fall in the category for the young, careless, hardheaded consistent delinquents. I rarely think about the logic of my morals. More often than not, I do not reflect on the consequences that come along with my every move. Favorite motto is, perhaps, 'JUST DO IT'. Hobbies would include hours of non-stop senseless chatting on the Internet with some likable hunk or if not lucky enough with a moron, reading comic books and glossy magazines instead of my Mathematics subject notes or the 2-inch thick reading materials in English. Frequent cutting of classes is not even an exemption. If I was born a so very rich kid, a day after day gimmick with friends is presumably included in the list.

To describe myself, I am currently at the peak of my youth. Single, uninhibited, so much aggressive and impulsive, with a not so mobile but an agreeable lifestyle. I enjoy each and every moment of my being juvenile. I take pleasure in the overwhelming feeling of excitement that youthfulness provides me. I just love being young.

In my twenty-two years of existence, I think I more or less have done every reckless act you could ever imagine. Starting from that day when I first learned how to become a bitchy youngster and perhaps up to the moment where I could possibly commit an offense. If you will ask me, majority of them I ought to state as regretful. Most of them are things that would irritate my family and make myself a total disgrace to the clan. Suppose you're my mother with a heart ailment, and suddenly dies. It would not be surprising to learn that I am the cause of your death. Just imagine how regretful this would be, extremely regretful.

Even so, I don't feel sorry for myself. If there's someone who will become pitiful, it will never be me. I will never put myself down. I have already mastered this art of being impenitent over the things I have done in the past. This eventually led me into thinking not to feel sorry for living irresponsibly. I would rather stay impenitent. I know I will be better off not looking at the past and just go and move on with the flow of existence. Besides, past is past. The only alternative left is for me to do the next step. But as a one-time-big-time wish, even for just once, I wish to be granted the taste of regret, the understanding of conscientiousness, and the chance to feel guilty.

I have my moments, if you want to know the truth. These are moments when guilt keeps coming along. At a time when nearly all in the household are sound asleep, still I am widely awake battling with guilt. If you are familiar with the feeling, you will recognize what I mean. Believe me, up to the point on deciding between life and death. Being given a dreadful selection between two of the hottest stuff in your life is not fascinating. It is not an easy task. And it happens more than occasionally. What I am trying to say is that, I FEEL GUILTY, TOO.

If my wish will be granted, I will regret every single damn crap I did in the past and become more responsible with my life. I will be fully apologetic for all the problems, upsets I have caused my family and to everyone that I've hurt. I must admit I have not become conscientious in life. I do whatever I want. Right here, right now. The hell I care with the penalty. To care less and all is another one of my mottos.

But it looks like I am already starting to feel a bit remorseful. I think my bitchiness is getting on my nerves now. I think I'm beginning to feel the need for someone to slap my face and wake me up from years of senseless dreaming. Being twenty-two and all, I know I am not an immature teen anymore. Still, I act like one. I should've already learned a lot from the past. But it seems like I'm just about to start learning. I don't know. It looks like I am finally coming into terms with the idea recognized as adulthood.

You see, I may have not become a great asset to my clan, I may have not resulted into a hard-working student to my professors, and I may have not continued living as a loyal disciple of the Almighty. But, I don't think I am not entitled anymore to second chances, to greater opportunities, or to a more comfortable life.

The thing is, I really do not regret what I have become today. I find pleasure in being young, I really do. Adolescence has been the best stage I've ever gone through. I know I could always choose regretting my damn decisions in life. My folks may let me get away with every crap. However, they may also not. You'll really never know. If this is the case, I guess I'd have to let my degree in impenitence hang around until my wish is granted.

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Article written by: Lez de Guzman
Send your comments to: princess_leia@bembang.com
Get to know Lez at the Bembang! Forums. Her nick is
"dance_junkie".
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