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Goodbye, Bad Boy! I am one of those fools who once fell for a bad boy. Needless to say, I didn’t think he was a bad boy when I first met him (how can one tell firsthand anyways?) He certainly didn’t look like one. In fact, I thought he was the sweetest, cutest, brightest, most thoughtful guy (okay, pass me the puke bag) in the whole world. He was almost like my boy next-door neighbor except that he walked, spoke, grinned and stared with amazing self-confidence and a style of his own. Like anyone who once fell for a bad boy, I couldn’t exactly pin down what that “something in him” was. There was just something in him that penetrated right through my very soul. Oh yes, he was uber-mysterious! He got my curiosity (and more) stirred up. He was just…enigmatically sexy. He was like an icon of unrefined taste. He was just…with it. Our first few months together were absolutely crazy, like a dizzying roller-coaster ride. I found unexplainable excitement in the arms of this mystifying hunk of a man. Out of the blue, he would just grab me in his arms and give me the most lustful kiss, oblivious to the sea of strangers gawking at us. While waiting in line to order our food, he would stare at me with hungry eyes and he would run his tongue across his lips. You could just imagine how stunned the old lady behind me was. I learned how to smoke and drink because of him. We hardly had the same interests. Our conversations were boring sometimes. He didn’t care whether or not he hurt his family. He didn’t care to regularly attend classes…he always said he already knew what was basic and useful in the real world. Getting himself entangled in fistfights was a pastime. He went by his adage, “nice guys finish last and I’d hate to finish last”. He believed that gave him the excuse to be a macho man. Because I was so in love with him, I thought he and his beliefs were absolutely the best. Obviously, I now think he was nothing but an asshole and I was the ultimate fool. But, oh, did he often hurt me emotionally as well! He would give promises but he himself would break the same. Sometimes it would take him days or weeks before he’d call. He’d call me and say he needed space…and then I’d find out he met another girl. I’d cry for weeks and then all of a sudden, he’d call and beg me to have him back. “I was so stupid to leave you. I realized you’re the one for me”, he’d say. And because I was so in love with him, I forgave him over and over again. Like I said, he was the asshole and I was the fool. And as the ultimate fool that I was, I permitted myself to be in that vicious cycle for years. Oddly enough, I have always been bombarded with a lot of “signs”. Signs that indicated I’ve made a wrong decision, that this guy won’t make me happy, that this relationship was going nowhere, that I better wake the fuck up and smell the coffee. “Trip mo pagiging masochist noh? Maawa ka naman sa sarili mo!”, a friend of mine furiously reminded me. I’ve heard all the possible rationalizations from my friends, from the simple to the craziest ones…”You’re so naïve and he’s so worldly so both of you fit in each other’s empty holes”…”You were a loner in school, remember? He gave you the thrill that was lacking in your life”…”Plain and simple. You just picked the wrong guy”…”You’re so intelligent and he’s a dimwit so, naturally, opposites attract”…”Didn’t you say he was insensitive? Maybe the mother instinct in you was just triggered. Maybe you felt that it was your purpose in life to change this man”…”You were lonely. He was fun. So there.” At first, I’d be, like, “Oh puhleaseee”. And then when I do mull over those views, I realized that some of them made sense. Okay, most of them did. WHY, WHY, WHY?! Why did I let myself be lured into the dangerous web spun by my ex-boyfriend cum bad boy? Why didn’t I listen to my family and friends? Was I really THAT desperate (or lonely for that matter) to hang on to something that pushed me further towards the pit? I think I knew all along that I was in a relationship that wasn’t healthy at all. I guess I was just so wrapped up that I guess I failed to see the bigger picture. I failed to take the time out and view the relationship from another perspective. I failed to listen to pieces of advice from people who sincerely cared for me. And I mean REALLY cared for me…unlike the bad boy who, I think, was only involved with me because he simply needed to be seen with a girl. Let me make it clear, though, that I’m not entirely blaming the bad boy. I may have committed several mistakes during our relationship but still…I feel I didn’t deserve the type of wounding treatment I got from him. In retrospect, I think my entire mistake can be summed up with…I settled for someone who was “good enough”. I settled for someone who was “there” amid the void that I thought I felt at that stage of my life. I settled for someone who didn’t have the same reasons that I had as to why we were together in the first place. I kept making excuses for him. I kept thinking, he’d realize the error of his ways and when he finally does, I’d be there to welcome him with open arms. I’ll be the savior who guided him in his journey to betterment. Wrong. Very wrong. They say you can never teach an old dog new tricks. I say, true, true, true! Regrettably, I only realized that after spending years with the wuss. (I always have that urge to kick myself real hard) You can’t change someone overnight nor can you change someone who doesn’t want change in the first place. Once set in his ways, he forever will follow those ways. I also think one shouldn’t waste his or her time going into a relationship that started on the wrong foot, into a relationship that was based on everything else but genuine love. One should engage in a relationship with the right reasons. Hopefully, I have learned my lesson well. So…to you, my ex-boyfriend, the bad boy who once stole and broke my heart, thank you. If not for the ordeals I had to endure and for the heartbreak you caused, I would never have gauged my strength and willpower as a person. And, oh, you are so wrong to think that nice guys finish last. Jerks like you do. I can assure you, you’ll realize that someday…someday when you’re old, when all your tricks are passé and when everyone else you’ve hurt have finally found out what a big loser you really are. Article written by: Maria^Irene  Recommend this article to a friend! Have a comment on this article? Send it
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